Thoughts

Exit Stage Left

One of my most favourite movie is Anand. It is about a young man, who is suffering from blood cancer, has lost the love of his life, and doctors have given him only six months to live. Inspite of all this, he is filled with joie de vivre. He is cheerful himself and goes around spreading happiness. This movie has been such an inspiration!

There are two dialogues of the movie that really hit home. One is, “’Babumoshai, zindagi aur maut uparwale ke haath hai jahanpanah. Usse na toh aap badal sakte hain na main. Hum sab toh rangmanch ki kathputhliyan hain jinki dor uparwale ki ungliyon main bandhi hain. Kab, kaun, kaise uthega yeh koi nahi bata sakta hai. Ha, ha, ha.” It means life and death is in God’s hands. No one can change when we are born and when we will die. We are all puppets in the world stage (as also said by Shakespeare) No one can say when our role will end.

Another one is “Zindagi badi honi chahiye, lambi nahin” It means the length of life does not matter, how you live your life matters”

Human beings are inherently afraid of death. Even if their life is full of misery, they will want to continue being alive. Even in vegetative state, they would want to continue to live. However, death not only means loss of life. It also means losing your loved ones. The fear of not being with your loved ones anymore, the fear of not getting to enjoy the pleasures of life anymore, the fear of leaving unfinished business, all contribute to fear of death.

Death is also not about death of the body. Sometimes death is of relationships, of jobs, of career, of your current life. It is difficult to let go. It is difficult to let go of things you love, the places you love, the people you love. But just like where there is life, there is death, there is a new life after death. When a door closes, it is because you are now ready to open a new door. Embark on a new adventure, have a new life, maybe with your old experiences guiding you.

You cannot control death but you can control how you live your life. Enjoy every moment of your life. Life will throw you curveballs when you least expect. Think of the curveballs as lessons you need to learn. When a river comes across hurdles, it carves a new path for itself. And as the great Phil Dunphy says, when life gives you lemonade, make lemons 😉


Last Words

Those who watched The Big Bang Theory (TBBT) always knew that Sheldon’s father, George Cooper Sr., was going to die just before Sheldon left for college. TBBT did not portray Sheldon’s father in a good light though.

But then there was Young Sheldon. George Cooper Sr. got a better treatment. We came to know him and love him as a good husband, father, son-in-law, friend and a coach.

As a new chapter begins to unfold in the Cooper household, a tragedy struck and George dies due to heart attack. This was inevitable but it is hard to accept death of a loved one, even if it is a fictional one. I think the most affected would have been Missy. I had absolutely loved their bonding, be it over a date for lobster, getting her feminine hygiene products when she got her first period or teaching her baseball. Fathers and daughters are special that way.

I wanted to watch this episode before the various clips on social media ruined it for me. I did not think the episode will make me emotional as I already knew what was coming.

Narrator: She did get emotional

The one thing I loved was the way Sheldon kept thinking of the last words he spoke with his father.

Sheldon was upset with him because they would be moving to Houston and he would lose his childhood home. As George says, “See You Later” Sheldon watches him go without saying anything, possibly, still resentful.

He keeps playing the scene in his head multiple times. What could he have said if he knew this was the last time he spoke to his father?

We have lost someone or other in this life, to death or time. And sometimes the end comes so suddenly, we don’t get a chance to repair or validate our feelings for them.

We have always attached significance to the Last Words. Last words are final. Last words are the legacy a person leaves behind. Last words are the words that signified the current status of your relationship.

Words are powerful and you never know what are you going to say for the last time. So every time we open our mouth to say something, specially to the people we love and care about, we have to be mindful of what we are saying. Are we going to regret our words or be content that we made them loved and cared for?

The Last One (For Chandler Bing)

Friends is one of my top favourite series ever. Though it debuted in 1994, I came across it much later in life.

Friends is my comfort watch. Whenever I feel low and gloomy, I resort to binge watch the series. It never fails to make me laugh.

I have always been in love with Chandler Bing. It is one of the best characters ever created and it was created just for Matthew Perry.

If Mr. Darcy from the book world gave goals for having a partner like him, from the TV world it was Chandler Bing. So handsome, with those beautiful eyes, what a crazy sense of humour and such a loving and caring person! Even though I love Rachel, it was Mondler I shipped!

For me Perry and Bing have never been different and if you read his memoirs, you will know how similar they were.

Except he was so much in pain and lonely and he never found his Monica.

I thought his life was on track now. Writing his experiences must have been cathartic for him.

I prayed fervently that he finds love just like Chandler did in Monica.

But that wish will never be fulfilled now.

My heart is full of pain for him. I don’t know what happened. Was he suffering and took an easy way out? Or was it an accident? Did he relapse? Did he really suffer from a cardiac arrest? Is it a bad time to remember how much he loved drawing a bath in Friends?

He deserved a much better life but sadly he didn’t give himself a chance.

Hope you finally rest in peace, Perry! Thank you for all the laughs and wonderful memories. Thank you for being so amazing!

You will always be loved. Always! <3

You Are Not Alone – Your Life Matters

Suicide is one of the most dangerous words in the world. In simple terms, suicide means deliberately killing oneself.

When one is fed up of life or their circumstances (financial woes, sickness) or is suffering from depression or other mental illness, one might think of ending it all.

The level of despair is such that one cannot have rational thoughts, cannot think of anything positive.

Life has it’s own ups and downs. It is not always a bed of roses. Or you might say, the roses are always accompanied by thorns.

When a person is suicidal, their mind is full of darkness. One can only see a long tunnel with no light at the end.

No one can identify from your face that you are having suicidal thoughts. You may appear cheery or happy but no one knows what goes inside your mind.

One can say it is the brightest before the dark night falls.

In such a situation, what should you do if you are suicidal?

Seeking help is the only way out of it. Talk to your friends or family. Tell them upfront you need help. Take help of a professional. They are equipped with tools and resources to help you. Call suicide helpline.

One of the best things about the age of smart phones is ease of connectivity, ease of awareness, ease of finding information.

We have been given this gift of life for some purpose. Find your purpose, don’t end your life!

Take A Break!

Couple of days ago, I realised I have published 300 posts. Too less considering I love to write and it’s been 11 years now that I birthed mirchiladdoo.com. Me being lazy is the primary reason. Secondary reason is my addiction to Work & Twitter. If I am engrossed in my work, I have never set boundaries or limits of 8/9 hours, weekdays/weekends. The lines have blurred anyway after working from home.

Some people (me) would argue that even if I haven’t published anything on mirchiladdoo.com, I have been quite active on twitter. With over 300K tweets (which includes retweets), I have been very vocal about my opinions. Twitter being a micro blogging site, some would (again me) say that bite sized opinions also should count as writing.

However, the addiction to twitter has nothing to do with the freedom of voicing my opinion or saying my thoughts out loud or sharing my likes and dislikes. What started as an opportunity to divert myself from a painful chapter in my life, soon became a platform to meet like minded people, sharing ideas and have fun filled conversations with them. Sometimes, it did affect my reputation at work because I always had the phone in my hand. Not that I let it impact my work in anyway (I am blessed with good speed & good comprehension skills, hence able to complete my work in half the time it requires other people) Being a loner in real life, suffering from inferiority complex and other issues, I would say twitter gave me wings. While in real life I wouldn’t approach anyone for talking, it is the other way round on twitter. I love talking (Talkative was the favourite adjective of my teachers for me) and my writing skills are better than my verbal skills. While not many people have shown interest in me in real life, I have more than 3000 followers on twitter (of course I am always greedy for more). People willingly talking to me, forging friendships and generally getting a vibe of being liked is addictive.

It’s not all bed of roses though. There are cons to twitter as much as for any other thing. If you get unconditional like, you also get abuse and hate from this platform. Height was the period between 2015-2017 where I was hotly pursued by a psycho stalker. It robbed the peace of my mind, made me really insecure, I was constantly frustrated and angry. I know I did not handle that chapter of my life well. And I often thought of deactivating twitter and remove myself from this hateful person. But it was all words. It was difficult to throw away all the pros just for that one hateful, immature person.

There is another con of being addicted to twitter. You indulge yourself in tweeting, reading tweets of other people, reacting on those tweets and what they now call “doom scrolling” that unknowingly you waste your time (just like people do by scrolling metres of reels). Wasted time never comes back. If you just calculate the amount of time spent on social media, you will realise how much of it is wasted. You could have done something more productive with your time. Maybe written a blog post like this, which satisfies the writer in you. Maybe you could cook something new. Maybe you could read one more book or watch one more movie. or even look at cat pictures (meow)

It is not that I have never taken a break from twitter (not counting the hours I sleep :p ) Earlier in 2022, I had to undergo cataract surgery (more on that some other time) and I was strictly advised to stay away from any kind of screen for few weeks. But that was a forced break. And again, in 2023, with the new limit of viewing and writing tweets for non paying twitter users, I am thinking of taking a break from twitter. It is just off putting when you have to restrict how much you read and how much you write on twitter. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Maybe I will write more posts on mirchiladdoo.com. Maybe I will be tad more disciplined. One can always hope, eh?

I was looking up if I have written anything on “break” and this question popped up. What comes to your mind when you think of the word “break”?

Healing – My Way or Highway?

I have often seen doctors on twitter (#MedTwitter) scoffing on treatments other than allopathy. They deride Homeopathy and Ayurveda and also Alternate Healing Therapies.

Homeopathy was introduced in 1796 by the German physician Samuel Hahnemann. It’s practitioners, called homeopaths, believe that a substance that causes symptoms of a disease in healthy people can cure similar symptoms in sick people; this doctrine is called similia similibus curentur, or “like cures like” Small sugar pills are doused with liquid medicine (plant based) as per the disease. People may scoff how can sugar pills cure diseases (they forget the plant based medicine part, which is also a base for some of the allopathy medicines) I have taken homeopathy medicine few times in my life and though they haven’t had much effect on me always, I have two clear success stories. it cured my sister’s alopecia in childhood & couple of years back during the pandemic cured my severe dry heaving (because of which I couldn’t even eat).

I can believe derision towards homeopathy as it doesn’t have much success rate and also is considered to be very slow in healing.

What about Ayurveda though? Ayurveda is an ancient Indian medical system and has scientific basis for all cures. Of course, in today’s world where even allopathic doctors and pharmaceutical companies manufacturing allopathy medicines are not beyond corrupt practices, to expect Ayurvedic doctors will also not do the same is just being naive. Ayurveda is a holistic healing method where the cause is considered important and not the effect. You don’t just pop pills if you follow Ayurveda, but you also need to follow a change in lifestyle and diet regime. Since Ayurveda and ancient medicines all over the world have lost to glamour of allopathy, there is not much investment done to churn out proper Vaidyas and cultivating good quality herbs used for Ayurvedic medicine. To scoff at Ayurveda for not being able to cure diseases, where allopathy has also failed is kind of hypocritical.

Alternate therapies like Pranic healing, Reiki, Theta healing, etc. have also been insulted time and again by doctors. Inspite of scientific researches on how our thoughts have power to change our life.

I have used all kind of treatments for obesity, periods issues, hormonal imbalance, diabetes and effects due to diabetes. I have not experienced any one type of treatment being completely effective. It is a mostly a mix of treatments but most importantly the will to feel better every day. Theta healing and Ayurveda have worked much better in eradicating certain issues as compared to allopathy. Even for cough, Tumeric laced milk or home made kadha works better than cough syrups.

I am not a doctor nor a medical expert so I cannot preach how one way is better than another. I can only tell this to the doctors – I understand your need to protect your business but insulting things you don’t/won’t understand and discounting real life experiences of people will not get you respect. As a healer, you owe yourself to the medical fraternity, which also includes non- allopathic way of treatments, to respect all types of treatments. To make your line look longer, you don’t need to cut others short. No one discounts the contribution of allopathy medicines in curing diseases. Vaccines and medicines have eradicated various diseases which were fatal earlier. But there is no need to deride other form of treatments. Allopathy is not the God of medicine. Ayurvedic medicines have also been fighting diseases since centuries. All types of treatment can co-exist peacefully.

“Nothing is small in itself and nothing is big in itself. It is all comparative” ~ Osho

Fighting the Blues

Past few days I have been living alone at home. Even though I like to be left alone, I don’t really like to be alone for a long time. Wake up in the morning, do all the household chores like a responsible person (adult) and then log in to work. The day is interspersed with twitter, books, movies, shows, gaming, video calling mom, sister or baby barfi and eating. The routine made me think is this how my life will be when the situation becomes permanent? What if something happens to me while I am sleeping? How will people know? Will my body rot like Parveen Babi’s did before people find out I am dead? Will they need to break the door? What is the alternative? Should I ask for tips on survival? Will I have to rent a companion? (Like Mrs. Van Hooper from Rebecca did)

I know I am privileged. I have many resources. I count my blessings every day when my mind diverts to that one thing I don’t have. But even privileged people have the right to feel lonely and low and cry their heart out, no?

Do you also feel like this sometimes?

Body Positivity – Self Love or Excuse for Laziness?

Body Positivity is a social movement, focused on the acceptance of all types of bodies, regardless of shape, size, gender and appearance. We, specially women, are so hung up with having the perfect body, where perfection is defined by society’s beauty standards. Maybe once upon a time skinny bodies were looked down upon and women would have aimed to achieve a fuller or a curvy body. Since many many decades, being fat / obese / chubby is not acceptable in society. Forget dating, etc., even mere existence of fat people gets on the nerves of some people.

I might have shared this multiple times on twitter / on my blog. I was never a skinny kid. When I was in my mother’s womb, I was thought to be twins. And after puberty I started gaining weight like crazy. Mind you, junk food was not so available during those times. Max junk food I would have indulged in is Vada pav. Of course, I started to be teased and shamed about my body – Elephant, Football, Ganpati Bappa, Tuntun were some of the names bestowed on me.

I was a shy kid and a teenager and all these comments made me withdraw further into my shell. I was happy with the company of my books (Another reason why I read so much). Wherever I went, I was bombarded with weight loss advice. It wasn’t as if I was doing nothing. I was having warm water + lemon + honey everyday, walked at least 12 kms 6 days a week, exercised in the gym, indulged in diets (while secretly munching on vada pav – my ultimate comfort food). No one understood what I was going through, not even myself. Eventually I stopped going out. Never went to relatives place until absolutely necessary, bunked college most of the time and started thinking of myself as a burden on Earth. Enter depression, suicidal tendencies, self destructive behaviour and the start of my famous temper (the mirchi part of what was till then just a sweet laddoo). And then started rejection by guys (for marriage proposals) so much so that even fatso guys used to reject me. Some mothers thought I would not be able to do household chores because of my fat.

What did all this do to me? I lost my ambition, I lost all interest in studies or career, I lost interest in anything and everything. I did not see beyond the fat. And this was all because I was victim of the society’s perception of me. I did not think that anyone could love me for who I am. One guy was ashamed to go on a date in a public place because what it would do to his reputation. This was after the introduction of Yahoo chat era. I started indulging toxic guys because if they talked to me, the fat me, that only meant they were nice guys.

Now I am above all that. It has taken decades of efforts, of course with support of genuinely nice people, that I started recognizing my talent, used it & regained my confidence & ambition. Over the years, I did lose some of the excess fat, got fitter (a better goal, actually) and understood what self love meant. I now accept my body. I am not ashamed of it. I don’t care if my tummy still looks like I am 10 months pregnant. I only care that I be fit, be healthy so that I can lead an active life till I am alive. Yes, I learned to live. Finally.

Because of what I have been through, when I see the body positivity movement, I feel really good. People should not get stuck in the image of what their body is perceived to be. They should realise that they are much more than their body. They are heart, they are mind and they are soul. And all this is nothing to do with health. People who mock body positivity have no actual concern for anyone’s health. Obesity invites lots of diseases but it is not like skinny people are always healthy.

Just like men and (some brainwashed women) indulge in bashing feminism because of wrongdoing of some women, body positivity is mocked because it doesn’t suit the agenda of certain people. Body Positivity does not mean anybody is promoting obesity (just like promoting feminism doesn’t mean promoting hatred towards men)

Imagine if all trees were of the same shape, how boring the world would be!

Happiness

It is simple to be happy but it is really difficult to be simple. Right since childhood, we mar our happiness with our own thoughts and wants and keep searching for happiness. When our mind is happy, we can see beauty in our surroundings. If we are unhappy, we see dark clouds everywhere.

What is happiness though? Happiness is a positive and pleasant emotion ranging from satisfaction to immense joy. More often than not, it is triggered by outer circumstances like a compliment, winning / achieving something, beautiful surroundings. If happiness is triggered by outer circumstances, it usually is fleeting because as soon as the circumstances change, it will affect our mood as well.

So how can we make ourselves permanently happy? Let’s have a look at some tips that will help / guide you:

  1. Change the way you look at things – Look at the bright side – Train your mind to not delve into negative thoughts
  2. Be Solution centric rather than problem centric – If you focus on problems – your mind is bound – Free your mind – Remember, every problem, is an opportunity in disguise – this is my mantra for life – I remember when I was diagnosed as diabetic & I was having a session with a dietician. She was sorry that I got it at such a young age. I told her this was a chance for me to take care of my physical health which I was ignoring for so long!
  3. Music is one of the best things to uplift your mood – Make a playlist of songs that you love – I usually cheer up when I listen to peppy music
  4. Watch funny movies / shows / cartoons
  5. Meditate everyday
  6. Read something inspirational everyday
  7. Count your blessings – We always get lost in the thoughts of what we don’t have and take for granted what we do have – Practice Gratitude everyday
  8. Make a practical to do list – Striking even one off the list gives a sense of accomplishment
  9. Be kind to others – Help just because you want to & not because you will get something in return
  10. Pamper yourself, treat yourself. Take care of yourself. Do one thing everyday that you love. Don’t get caught in the web of busyness. Making time for yourself is very important
  11. Spend more time with happy and positive people
  12. Don’t whine – It makes others unhappy
  13. Chant 21 times – I choose to be happy
  14. Say your favourite word once a day
  15. SMILE – For no reason

Doable, isn’t it?

Be Happy, Stay Happy!

Work From Home

19th March 2020 was the last day I went to work @ office. From 20th March onwards we were to work from home. Confident that the Chinese Virus will not last long based on the SARS experience, I assumed we will be back in the office in no time. How naive we were!

It is now almost an year to that date & there is no chance we are moving back to office anytime soon. I guess it will be possible only once everyone is vaccinated.

Would I like to continue working from home or I am getting office sick & wish to go back to office?

Few years back, I was suffering from some health issues. Travel was a challenge for me & I used to miss work 2-3 days in a row every month, which gradually reduced to 1 day. Ever since I have been hankering for work from home option, at least for the days I am not able to travel. The working time restrictions for women in Mumbai added to the woes as it is next to impossible to travel in Mumbai local trains during peak hours – specially when you are getting older & used to travelling in UK shift timings. Even though I don’t look my age & am decently fit enough – The body is not that agile anymore 😉

Work From Home gives me freedom from this travelling hassle, not to forget the traffic and pollution. Dressing up and travelling is the major challenge when sick. When at home you can be flexible, rest for a bit and work when feeling better. In fact, due to increasing local train fatalities, this turns out to be an advantage to all as there is less rush in the trains, less traffic on the road when there are more people working from home.

Due to my work timings, I hardly got to spend time with my family, specially my niece. Because of working from home, I get to talk & play with her – virtually, of course – almost daily. Most times it feels that I come home only to eat and sleep (sometimes only sleep) Weekend is spent in either outings or replenishing the energy lost during the week. I go to work on weekends too sometimes. My parents are definitely happier to see more of me (maybe that’s what I believe)

i definitely have got a chance to work more, read more, watch more movies & shows – making optimum use of my Amazon Firestick 😀

Money Money Money – Can’t tell you how much money I have saved by not travelling to work – Train pass, Auto fare, the occasional Ola Cab and eating out almost daily. I am going to use this for my Europe Travel couple of years down the line!

Definitely it’s not all rosy. We do have some cons.

Indian houses, specially in Mumbai, are ill equipped to have a office inside the house – The size is tiny as it is. Also, the infrastructure is not up to the mark. Unstable internet, frequent power cuts, specially during rainy season can cause embarrassment and frustration.

I also miss the camaraderie with friends at work, the gossip session, the vending machine coffee (tee-hee) the live events (Virtual events are fun but live events have their own charm), R&R ceremonies.

Even though there are too many hassles to travel – there is also a joy in dressing up & moving out of the house. You get bored cooped up at home with the same two people – Familiarity breeds contempt you know? :p

My own tips for a great work from home experience:

  1. Have a small corner of your own where no one can disturb
  2. Invest in good infrastructure – Good internet connection & UPS
  3. Dress up once in a while – Don’t get too comfy in your PJs
  4. Move your ass out of home even if for some minutes

#TeamWorkFromHome

Back to writing

I started blogging since 2010. Over the years I dabbled on various platforms, finally settling in my home at mirchiladdoo.com since 2012. I have not been a regular writer but I think up to December 2018 I used to write at least one post a month on an average.

The last post I wrote was in January 2019, setting goals for 2019! That’s two years, OMG!

The main reason was I got fairly busy at work, one of the reason was also that I am seriously contemplating & saving ideas for my book (which minus the procrastination I will write eventually!) but most & foremost I have been lazy & indulging in writing bits on Social media, including tiny book reviews on my bookstagram account – @bookdragonhaven

I want to change that this year. I want to be more serious about my writing. I want to sharpen my writing skills. And more than attending writing workshops, I think the more you practice writing, the better you get at it.

I will probably aim at writing at least 50 posts in 2021. If you want me to write on any specific topic, feel free to mention in the comments column. Criticism is much appreciated!

What happened to the goals of 2019, you may ask. A short update:

Run a Marathon – This I did & I will blog about it separately – I have so much to share!

Write More / Write A Book – Zilch / Nada

Travel – I did plan to visit more places in India & got a chance to visit a World Heritage City, Ahmedabad – I probably will blog about this too 😀

Solve Rubik’s cube – I bought a Rubik Cube in 2020 & I tried & I tried – Sadly couldn’t work it out completely. I will keep trying though. I know I can do it!

Entertainment – I read 202 books & managed to watch 100 movies too! I am happy with it 🙂

Goals for 2019

In 2018, I had set only one goal for myself – To read 200 books. I also added one more, to watch 100 movies realising that inspite of the fact that I love movies as much as I love books, I don’t watch them so much.  I have achieved both the goals. They have also helped me in distracting me from some of the personal stuff I was going through.

Reading books & watching movies is not a difficult goal to achieve (at least for me). As I said in the mid-year post about books, if you love it, you’ll do it. Easy Peasy!

It is time to set some difficult goals this year, though.

  • Run a marathon – I have been inspired by people around me running marathons, specially my 60+ kaki. By the end of the year, I should be able to run a 21 km half marathon. Registering for a 4 KM walkathon is the beginning of it!
  • Write more – Writing has taken a back seat this year with all the reading. I am going to write more on my blog this year – 52 posts at least!
  • Writing Books – Not only I am going to writer more on my blog, but I am also going to work seriously on the books I want to write. 2020 should be the year of getting the books published
  • Travel – I want to experience lots of places in India and in the world but I realised that there are so many places I haven’t been to in Mumbai itself. This year, I would visit at least 50 places in and around Mumbai (some could be repeat)
  • Solve Rubik’s Cube – Let us check if I am smart enough to solve a Rubik’s cube puzzle
  • Entertainment – Read 200 books and Watch 100 movies
  • Have fun while doing all of the above!!!

I guess these are enough for one year! So, what about you? What are your goals for 2019???

2018 – The year gone by

Even though nothing significant happened in 2018, it was not a bad year for me. Yes, couple of bad things did happen. Lost a very dear family member and also lost couple of friendships. Learnt few lessons there.

  • I need to get over my awkwardness over death to be there for my family and friends
  • If someone has stopped sharing any good / bad things happening to them, the friendship is dead. And no, it’s not you all the times. People change, their priorities change. We need to accept that we will never be part of their life anymore
  • Do not accept being taken for granted

Now, for the good things:

  • Gave mom a pleasant surprise – Took her to Golden Pagoda, which was on her wish list
  • Hosted a small time awards function @ work and rocked it!
  • Travelled to North East on my own (Guwahati / Shillong / Cherrapunji)
  • Rediscovered LinkedIn – one more platform to pimp my work :p
  • Got an unexpected compliment from an unexpected person (About my enthusiastic approach to work)
  • Got back to Operations and now working for a wonderful client
  • Went to Haji Ali – discovered a new place in Mumbai
  • Spent some lovely time with my niece (3 vacations)
  • Met Aditi after a really long time and some missed opportunities
  • Started a bookstagram account @bookdragonhaven (Name courtesy @devillaughslast, account courtesy Aditi & Pratya) It’s going good for now
  • Got to visit an orphanage and an old age home courtesy CSR @ work
  • Finished reading 209 books
  • Watched 100 movies
  • Lost some more weight

Looking forward to 2019 and what it has in store for me! Hope you had a good 2018 & wish you a fantastic 2019!!!

World Aids Day

Every year, on 1st December, we celebrate World Aids Day. Celebration of most people (not infected with HIV) would be limited to wearing a red ribbon or posting about it on Social Media. This year I got a chance to do something different. As a part of CSR, we visited Desire Society, an NGO, which takes care of HIV infected kids.

Until the visit, I had never thought about the plight of these kids. Aids for me was a serious disease, transmitted sexually or via needles and to child via mother. I knew that people infected with HIV suffered from low immunity, social stigma and early death. There has been no cure found to cure AIDS.

Desire Society was found in Hyderabad 12 years ago. They have 5 centres in India, Hyderabad, Vishakapatnam, Delhi & 2 in Mumbai (Goregaon & Vashi) The Vashi centres is for boys and Goregaon centre is for girls. They did have couple of boys with them as they did not want to separate them from their sisters. The centre is mainly to take care of the HIV infected kids, however, negative kids are also taken care of in case their siblings are positive and they do not want to separate them. I was happy to know at least the kids have some family around. The kids in this centre were as young as 5 year old. They are being told about their disease so that they co-operate while taking medicines. They are counselled by the hospitals as well as the NGO Volunteers.

The kids are mostly orphans, their parents have passed away due to HIV and they are abandoned by their relatives. The hospitals co-ordinate with the NGOs so that they can take the kids to the orphanages. The HIV infected kids have to undergo tests every month. They have to take medication twice a day, without fail, else the virus would multiply and deteriorate their health. With such heavy dosage they need proper nutrition. The caretakers feed them soaked almonds, Pediasure with milk twice a day and home cooked food. The kids require intense care as they get infected with cold, cough and fever easily. After taking so much care, they can live up to 35 years of age.

The kids look like normal kids. They have desires and aspirations like normal kids. Someone wants to be a nurse, someone a scientist and someone else, a hairstylist. They would also have a desire to get married and have a family of their own. My heart goes out to these kids.

On this World Aids day, I vow to help these kids in whatever way I can. Join me in this pledge. Together we can make life of these kids a bit easier / better.

 

Sabarimala

Sabarimala became famous recently for all the wrong reasons. Supreme Court said that there should be no discrimination and women should be allowed to enter the Ayappa temple.

Wait, what? Women are banned from one more temple? Read The Forbidden Temple. 

Uff, no! #NotAllWomen only menstruating women are banned from entering the temple.

But whai????

Various reasons available, choose what you like:

1. Swami Ayappa is a brahmachari. Hence.

2. Goddess Malikappurathilamma is waiting for him. So women out of respect of their love, don’t go to the temple.

3. Menstruating women pollute the temple.

4. You cannot visit the temple just like that. You need to fast and follow strict rituals for 41 days. Only then you are eligible to visit the temple. Menstruating women will find it difficult to follow the rituals while on period. Hence.

So which one do you like?

Me? I like the last option, it sounds sensible.

So are you in favour of the ban?

No, I don’t favour the ban on menstruating women entering the temple. But I think they should follow the 41 days fasting ritual too. (I wonder if the activist who gate crashed the temple, who may or may not be carrying a blood soaked sanitary napkin (Ewwwww) complete the 41 day ritual) If a woman is a true devotee of Ayappa and she wants to go to Sabarimala that badly, it shouldn’t be a problem for her. And people should stop treating menstruation as polluting.

Stop debating. Start progressing.

 

Top Posts 2017

One more year goes by and the regret of not writing as much as I should lingers. In 2017 I did have so much to write about. Well, here’s hoping 2018 is a much better year and also the year where I finally finish writing my book.

My top posts of 2017:

❣A Walk To Remember: A rainy July morning, two best friends and beautiful nature for company.         It will always be a walk to remember by!

❣ Will You Read My Book?: A fiction inspired by someone’s wish tweet. I hope it gets fulfilled some         day!

❣ Mourning: This was a much commented post. This one is so close to my heart!

❣ Wine in a Teacup: Based on a writing prompt. This was appreciated too by my tiny circle of                   readers.

❣ Delhi: An old fascination, an impromptu travel plan. Read about a Mumbai girl’s experiences in           the capital city!

❣ Closure: Have you ever waited for an apology and being forgiven instead? This phenomenon is           more common than I imagined. Fiction, based on a true experience.

❣ Panic Mode On: Written in the aftermath of the Elphinstone Road stampede.

❣ Game of Thrones: I was fascinated by Game of Thrones, the books as well as the series and then I read the Mughal series by Alex Rutherford. The similarities would blow your mind!

❣ Red Herring: I loved writing this. I think this is one of my most underrated posts.

Degree, Pedigree and all that Jazz!

I recently started watching the American TV series Suits again after a break of couple of years. The plot  revolves around Harvard educated lawyers and amongst them is one black sheep, who is brilliant at what he does, but does not have a Harvard degree. Apart from breaking the law (practising law without a degree), the more important thing is that the law firm hires “only” Harvard Law Graduates. And they are quite snobbish about it. As Louis Litt says, he does not want to impure their sanctum with people who have not studied in Harvard.

This does not happen only in TV shows or movies. As they say art reflects real life. While hiring people, recruiters give importance to education and what alma mater he belongs to. People graduating from eminent institutes are given preference over others. No doubt, the quality of education might be better in those institutes, but it does not guarantee that the candidate will perform better than the ones belonging to lesser known institutes. In Gujarati we have a saying that “Bhantar karta Gantar chadhe” What you have learnt in life is more important than what degrees you have.

Sadly, people get blinded by the superficiality. Take the case of Rahul Gandhi vs Narendra Modi. Rahul Gandhi is supposedly Harvard educated (he got in Harvard due to quota system (with or without donation) and then was moved to another college in Florida (apparently due to security reasons), where he completed his graduation. While Narendra Modi is not much educated (his degrees are debatable) and the opposition feels proud in mocking him to be a chai wala (he used to work in his uncle’s canteen). It does not matter that under Rahul’s leadership, the Congress has failed again and again to regain it’s lost glory and Narendra Modi has an experience of being Chief Minister of Gujarat for 22 years and won majority in Loksabha in 2014 due to his excessive campaigning.

Rahul Gandhi has been an MP of Amethi (Gandhi’s homeground) and avoided losing to Smriti Irani just by a whisker in 2014. He has been active in politics since 2004 and has held various positions in the INC and affiliated parties / organization but he has no achievements to show for his more than a decade long political career. The only reason he is being promoted as the next Prime Minister of India is because of the surname Gandhi. Even in his political campaigns he comes across as an immature individual who is just interested in taking jibes at the opposition.

Narendra Modi on the other hand has been involved in politics since a young age and the work he does is for all to see. (Not a Bhakt, but I do see him working relentlessly towards India’s development – My only grouse with him at the moment is that he exaggerates in his speeches and does not stop his own people from goofing up)

It is a sorry state of affairs that someone is awestruck by Rahul Gandhi because he is “Harvard educated” and ashamed that the country’s PM is a chai wala. Whatever you have against Modi, at least you should be proud of the fact that your country gives someone a opportunity to rise against the odds. That a mere canteen wala boy can be a Prime Minister of your country one day. A bus conductor can become a famous movie star and earn love of crores of people globally. Tiffin Carriers can become a case study in Harvard. College drop outs can become entrepreneurs.

Unless and until we change this attitude, how are we going to tell our kids that marks don’t matter? How are we going to stop kids from killing themselves because they fell few marks short of the cut off percentage? So let’s stop being snobbish about the education and degrees and instead give importance to the knowledge and skills of a person.

Panic Mode: On

Panic to reach office on time. Panic to catch the regular train because your group is in the train. Panic that few minutes delay to office will have an additional mark against your career. Panic that if you reach office late, you will have to stay back and miss your regular train going back home. Panic that the rains might delay the delayed trains further. Panic that the trains may stop midway and you would be stuck inside for hours without water / food. Panic because you would need to pee. Panic because the electricity might give away. Panic that there would be some goons stopping the trains and you would be stuck. Panic that your boss won’t believe your excuse of trains being late for yet another day because he never has travelled in a train.

Yesterday a stampede at Elphinstone Road station in Mumbai resulted in death of 22 people and quite a few were left injured. One of the dead people was a colleague of my brother in law. Just thinking about it shudders me. The memories of me being pushed out of the train and being walked over came rushing back. This has happened twice with me, making me paranoid about travelling in local trains during peak hours. I am fortunate enough to work in the afternoon shift when the crowd is bearable. And on some days when I have to reach office early, I can afford to take a cab (My office being 40 kilometers away from home, cabs are not that cheap for daily transport)

Mumbai, with all its unbelievably high real estate prices, high cost of living, slums, filth, crowd has been a people puller. Blame it on Bollywood or being marketed as a city of dreams. The result is the city bursting at the seams. unlike Delhi or Pune, Mumbai can not be expanded through all the directions. It can only be expanded vertically. The suburbs of Mumbai, which should technically end at Mulund (Central Railway) are now extended till Karjat / Khopoli. People travel for 5-6 hours daily for work. Local trains in that sense are a lifeline. They are faster and cheaper than roadways. But they also come with their own set of problems. Congestion in trains, foot-over bridges and on platforms, which by the way is not unique to Mumbai. Every major station all over the world faces this problem.

Earlier we had 9 car trains, which were extended to 12 cars and now we have 15 car trains. The number of compartments have increased but so has the crowd. Earlier there were definite periods of time where you could get the local train comparatively empty. Now the chances are very dismal. Railways have introduced mega blocks on Sunday (making travelling on a Sunday a harrowing experience) The trains are delayed most of the times, atleast by 10-15 minutes daily. Travelling becomes all the more frustrating and hence the stupid fights for a little space. Read more about it here:  An unforgettable scar!

The government should think of introducing alternate faster and cheaper ways of transport (point to point) and giving incentives to companies to have their offices in the suburbs. When most people are travelling from Thane & beyond, why can’t some offices be in Badlapur / Ambernath? The crowd can be spread out that way. They are already working on the metro lines, which would definitely help ease the pressure on local trains. It would also help if we have more work from home options and flexible hours.

But as citizens, we also have some responsibilities, which we conveniently forget.

Do not throw trash on the railway tracks. Carry a bag with you and dispense when bins are available.

Use the foot-over bridges and do not cross the tracks.

If people have fallen down, do not walk over them. Be considerate. (It’s a shame that otherwise helpful Mumbaikars become monsters when travelling in locals)

Have some discipline. Know that everyone is in a hurry to reach their destination.

Don’t spread rumours / panic. Keep Calm and switch off the Panic Mode.

Things are changing, unfortunately not with the speed we require / wish for. But we need to change too.

Friendship has no gender!

Some years back, this thought was very prevalent ” A man and a woman can never be friends” I do not know the origin of this quote, but movies like When Harry Met Sally & Maine Pyaar Kiya did have a huge hand in promoting it. The premise being there would always be sexual tension between a man and a woman and hence there would never be pure, platonic friendship.

I am sure this thought was promoted by a very sex hungry, pervert male, who could never see a woman as a human being but only as a sex object. It could also be promoted by pervert people who are gossip hungry.

It is very much possible for a man and woman to be “just” friends without having sexual desires for each other. There would be countless examples of it for sure.

While we are still absorbing the truth of this, someone came up with a new thought. A woman can never be friends with another woman. Reason? Women are jealous creatures and can not see well being of another woman. This is a man just being misogynistic and probably never been surrounded with women who are great friends with each other, women who understand what are the challenges of being a woman. As I often say, men and women are not a grain of cooked rice. You cannot generalise by the state of one grain.

And a woman has not only agreed but also quotes this thought as wise. Because it is easy to say you are jealous of me hence we can’t be friends rather than I don’t have female friends because I am a selfish bitch who thinks every woman in this world is out to steal my man.

Out of context, it is also said that a woman is the biggest enemy of a woman. Nope, when a woman is being assholish to another woman, there is a power play behind it and gender has nothing to do with it. A woman after all is a human being and she can have as many flaws as a man has and has no need to be a saint.

Point? Everybody can be friends with everybody. Unless you are an asshole. Also, a discord between two female friends does not mean there is no discord between friends of opposite gender. So stop the gender abuse. TYVM.

This post is dedicated to all the lovely female friends I have. You enrich my life!!

One more chance

What is born, dies one day. Be it living beings or relationships.

There are numerous quotes, philosophies and books on the cycle of life and death.

It is said that the most surprising thing about human beings is that they live like they will never die. Human beings also live like their loved ones are not going to die either. In this process, we take everyone for granted. And one day, death calls them, to make them it’s own. And when they leave, we are left wanting. Wanting one more chance.

One more chance to meet them

One more chance to hug them

One more chance to talk to them

One more chance to love them

But there would be no more chances. They have gone. Leaving a huge void in our heart, in our life. Every death brings us a lesson to value the living more but we value it only till the pyre burns (श्मशान वैराग्य we call it). For once, maybe we will learn the lesson better. Don’t wait for death to realise the value of your loved ones.

Top Posts 2016

2016 has been a very disappointing year in many ways. Mostly I feel sad that I haven’t written as much as I should. However, there were certain posts which I liked, compiled here for reference.

Dress to Impress Yourself: A famous blogger / writer wrote about how fat people should not wear leggings, tight dresses, yada yada yada. This post presents a counter view.

The Forbidden Temple: Forcing entry for women in Shani Temple created quite a furore last year.

Goa – Beyond Partying, Boozing and Sea Food: Best part of 2016. A vacation with parents.

Call me Fat, Maybe?: After Vogue did a photo shoot with plus sized models, comments on twitter flew, pathetic to nasty.

Ebooks: The year I discovered the joys of e books! 😀 (Free free free)

Write Away: In May 2016, I ran a contest to encourage writing. Check out posts with the tag Write Away. The best & most liked was: A letter to my not-yet-adopted Baby

Spare Tampons Anyone?: Inspired by yet another debate on twitter 😉

No means No!: Yet another inspired post, this time by a movie.

No means No!

Disclaimer: Contains adult words and situations, which might make you squirm. Read at your own risk.

Going by the title, everyone would know this post is relating to the recently released & much acclaimed movie “Pink” starring Amitabh Bachchan & Tapsee Pannu in the lead characters.

Yes, this post is inspired by the movie. This movie has inspired countless posts only because everyone could relate to the issues depicted in the movie. This shows how rape & molestation are quite rampant in the society.

Last week I was travelling by a local train. The ladies first class compartment was quite full (considering it has only 14 seats, not unusual even on a weekend). I could see several empty seats in the General compartment (yes, general not Gents) On weekdays, on my way to work I have to stand usually for the entire journey. The empty seats were quite tempting & I boarded the General compartment. I usually don’t do this because I am not really comfortable being surrounded by men who keep ogling and leching and trying to get close to you. Anyway, so I got a seat. There was this man seating nearby who was talking loudly on the phone (conversation peppered with expletives) & he also tried to bully a co passenger. I got uncomfortable & stood near the door, meaning to switch back to the ladies compartment at the next station. This man came & stood behind me, so close that I could feel his dick. I moved away instantly & blasted him. He said this is not ladies compartment but gents compartment. I was quite shocked by the inappropriate touching & in other circumstances I would have hit him but that day I just couldn’t. I was also shocked that other men in the compartment kept looking passively.

This was not the first time I have been touched inappropriately & not the first person to be touched inappropriately. The pinching of boobs, spanking ass, dick touching happens regularly to everyone, both men & women. This is one reason I never travel in public buses. The experience leaves such a bad taste in mouth. Who likes to be touched inappropriately without their consent / will? And the worst thing about all of this is we have taken this as a part of life. No one bats an eyelid when they see this happen. Hence, the people who are meant to learn the lesson from the movie or posts like this are never going to learn. However, if even one person changes his / her mindset, it would be a win.

The point of this post is to remind everyone that rape & molestation does not necessarily be in the way it is defined in the dictionary. If you touch someone inappropriately, even if you lech at someone, it amounts to molestation. And no man / woman likes that. It is always a No and No means No!

 

no-means-no

The Forbidden Temple

Shani Shingnapur Temple is a famous temple of Shani Dev in the Shingnapur village in Maharashtra. Since childhood we have heard stories about how the people in the village do not lock their doors and yet there have been no thefts. Shani Dev (The God of Planet Saturn) is a very scary God. If it’s wrath befells you, which is for 7 and a half years, you are in for a really horrible time, they say. They being the astrologers and pundits.

Men worshipping Shani Idol

                 Men worshipping Shani Idol

Recently, this temple has been in news and earning the wrath of human beings, for a change. A group of activists, no doubt politically motivated, want women to have a right to pray in the said temple. As far as I know (based on googled knowledge) women can worship, however from far. They are not allowed to mount the place where the idol is placed nor they can offer oil.

I am sure in general, women are happy doing this. As they are following age old rituals. Like not entering temple during menstruation (Which can start a new topic of why menstruating women are not allowed to Sabrimala temple in Kerala). Anyhow, so back to the Shani temple, women wouldn’t mind not being allowed. But the activists have created a furore. And the people who are counter arguing the need for women to enter the temple are giving some idiotic reasoning in my opinion.

Example:

♂ Why activism only against the bias in temples? Why not mosques? Why not fight against lower fees for women actress. ~ Obviously it’s a politically motivated activism. And only they know why they chose this temple issue over other things (To spite BJP would be a major reason)

When Anna Hazare started activism against corruption, who knew one of their biggest supporter would become an ally of corrupt dynasty driven party? After all having a political agenda can not be only a man’s prerogative, right? 😉

♂ If women are not allowed in the temple, why they should even want to go to that temple? Also, is that the only temple left in India? ~ Well, if we accept that argument, and we apply the logic to every fight that has happened in India or elsewhere, no changes / reforms would ever happen. Would you say, if Gandhi was not allowed in the first class coach, he shouldn’t have travelled first class? The so called lower caste people were not allowed to enter temples. So should have they been content? Girls were not allowed to study. Should have they kept quite?

♂ If you do not agree to rituals of the religion, don’t follow the religion ~ Well, if we can not question the rituals of the religion, the origin of which are unknown, the religion should question if it should even exist.

♂ There must be a scientific reason for women to be forbidden ~ This one takes the cake. Someone said radiations from the stone affect only women and hence they are forbidden. Well, I tried finding the exact reason for the ban but could not find any. And if this is the actual reason, warn women. Let them make an informed decision.

In my opinion, if there is no valid and verified reason, there should not be a ban on a woman who genuinely wants to worship the idol. We are “allowing” women to perform last rites today, which was forbidden earlier, isn’t it? So why can’t we change this as well?

It is 2016 and high time that we use our brains rather than blindly following rituals and the dos and don’ts carried over from the stone age.

Lessons of 2015

No, changing of a year does not mean just a change of date. If you think carefully, every day teaches us something and we change every day. A new lesson learnt, a bad experience avoided, an opportunity grabbed.

My lessons for 2015:

✽ Save Electricity. Save Money.

✽ Don’t waste energy in pointing fingers at others. Rather use that energy to be a better person.

✽ Never ever do what your heart doesn’t agree with.

✽ Stop reacting to everything.

✽ Focus on beautiful things in your life. Forget people who hurt you.

✽ Don’t feed attention beggars.

✽ If you are angry with someone, imagine slapping them non stop cartoon style.

✽ Respect your own worth even if other people don’t.

✽ Never stop believing in your dreams. if you don’t, universe won’t.

Labels

One of my favourite quote is, Your opinion about me, is not a fact about me.

I have been labeled by people according to their convenience, right from childhood. Some things might be true, some a momentary truth but most of them is just a false judgement.

When I was in school, people termed me a Homebody, not mixing with people from the neighbourhood. Truth was I always loved being outdoors. The reason I didn’t mix with neighbours was I never got the right company.

The next label was fat. Wherever I went, I had to bear taunts and remarks of people calling me various names, all synonyms of Fatso. But I was more than just fat. I was emotional, sensitive, ambitious, hardworking, studious, polite, and so much more!

Years passed and I started working. I had to travel in local trains to reach my work place. I used to be harassed a lot because I was overweight. I took half a person’s space more. I never took a seat due to my guilt but even standing was a problem. On some days I couldn’t take the jabs quietly and started hitting back. Verbally as well as physically. I got a new label Quarrelsome.

But this is not who I am. I am a peace loving, confrontation avoiding person. But I also have a severe sense of justice. I can’t stand injustice. And once, when things start getting unbearable, I would definitely give tit for tat. Due to these stray incidents, conveyed in a convenient manner via gossip, makes people think I am a mean or nasty person. This, however, doesn’t matter to me.

My reputation means a lot to me but only in the eyes of people I love and respect. Fortunately, apart from one off cases, they have always stood by me. Not defending me, but at least they believe who I really am. For this I am always thankful.

The moral of the story is:

Dr.Seuss

Being Cougar. Not.

A 42 year old man marries a 32 year old woman. A 34 year old man marries a 23 year old girl. Apart from child-cradle-snatching jokes, nothing happens. This is considered to be very normal after all.

Now consider the reverse – a 40 year old woman marries a 30 year old man. How would you react? I will tell you. They would say she wants to be Madonna. She would be termed as a Cougar & other nasty words.

Why nasty, you ask. Well Madonna dates younger boys for flings not for a healthy relationship. Cougars are supposed to be predators. Do they have similar word for a man? No.

They say women mature early & hence they want to have a relationship with older man. Let’s assume this to be true for a moment. It might be true in general but what about exceptions? Why can’t a guy be more mature than a woman older than him?

I am not buying that argument though. Why anyone wants to be in a relationship with someone is purely based on how someone connects with someone. Maturity / similarities / dissimilarities do not matter. Don’t we see so many apparently mis-matched couples? If society had a way, they would have never paired up.

My neighbour is way shorter than his wife. I have never seen them feeling awkward while walking together on the street. A woman co traveller in a Mumbai local is very fat & tall. Her husband is very thin. My college friend married a guy who drives auto for living. I can go on and on. All these are of course examples of happy marriages.

The best example is of my rakhi brother. My brother is not much educated, was a mere salesman in a shop when he met my sister in law & has a very dark complexion. The woman he fell in love and married to is fair & beautiful, graduate & from a well to do family and hold your breath! 5 years elder to him! I have been witness to their relationship right from the beginning. And know for a fact that they are still very much in love and living a very happy life. It won’t be wrong to say that their story inspires me. They have taught me that when there is true love, nothing else matters and you can fight all the hurdles if you want to be together.

I am not saying that these kind of marriages / relationships would be always successful. But can we guarantee success of all society approved relationships?

Also, when you restrict older women dating younger men, you restrict their scope of dating to a miniscule number. Young guys are supposed to date only young girls / women and guys their age are also interested in younger women mostly.

Why not give everyone a freedom to date / marry whoever they want without judging them?

Dear women, who are older than the guys you like, don’t let other people’s opinions shadow your happiness. Remember, age is just a number. One life, live fully, love unabashedly 😉

 

 

Today & Everyday!

Don’t just live mindlessly. Think. Know and understand the power of thoughts.

Cultivate the habit of reading. Reading opens avenues you never knew existed.

Playing games / sports is a good way to rejuvenate yourself. It helps to keep body & mind fit and also helps retain the child within us.

Laugh with joy. Laugh unabashedly. The sound of laughter is the best music!

Gift yourself some silence everyday. Silence from talks, silence from thoughts. Be one with yourself.

Be aware. Do whatever you do consciously. Be aware of your surroundings. This will make you more understanding & compassionate.

Less animosity, less hatred, more friendship, more love. More peace & happiness for you, and everyone around you.

Learn the joy of giving. Selflessly, without any expectations.

Don’t idle away your time. There is a time for work, there is a time for leisure. Use judiciously.

Pray. Even if you don’t believe in God. Thank the universe. Gratitude makes you more human.

Do this today and everyday!!!

Pink-Rose-for-Cica-crozg

My Top / Favourite Posts

I have been posting my writings on this site since more than two years. I have crossed 200 posts and thought to have a post for some of my best posts (IMO 😉 ) Does it sound like I am giving award to myself? 😛

Here goes the list:

✎ My most beautiful post: Always & Forever

✎ My most popular post: The Guturgoo Game

✎ My most controversial post: Let yourself out of the closet (Chose this only because dad refused to read this :p )

✎ A post which I am most proud of: Virginity an issue over a tissue (Inspite of knowing family & colleagues read my posts, I still posted this)

Category wise favourite posts:

✎ Laddoo’s Corner: This page is dedicated to cheer up everyone going through life’s battles. Every post in this section is close to my heart. But this one is most special. It tells us sometimes all you need is a smile to make everything better. Smile & make this world beautiful!

✎ Thoughts: In 2011 taught me I talk about some lessons I learnt in that year. They are universal lessons & very helpful.

✎ Poems: Apocalypse is a poem I just love & can not believe it was I who wrote it!

✎ Personal: Sharing some personal anecdotes here & I just love this 9 reasons a man will get my attention (also a tribute to certain men in my life) 😉

✎ Fiction: Oh goody!! This is my favourite category & I can’t believe couple of years back I was too scared to write fiction. @islejazz has been instrumental in getting me into this genre. I love most of my stories (don’t roll eyes ok? That’s my forte) but A dish best served cold wins hands down. It was my first attempt in this genre and is the most liked story as well 🙂 Although That Red Lipstick Girl is closest to my heart 😀

✎ Funny: Well, I am sorta kinda funny not Tina Fey or Mark Twain kinda funny but I do try this genre as well 😉 Best amongst the funny post would be  Why Mumbai doesn’t need an awesome winter

✎ Love: I am crazy about love. I am in love with love. I am a hopeless romantic. If I could was written with someone special in mind (Don’t ask me who & why ok?) and hence is the most special post on love for me 😀

✎ Movies: Anyone who knows me knows that I am a huge movie buff (ok mostly Bollywood) and sometimes they inspire me to write what I feel about them (won’t call them a review, just my thoughts) Aiyyaa was one universally hated movie but I enjoyed & loved it thoroughly and someone I admire a lot praised the review. Hence this one is the best choice for me.

✎ Laddoo Cooks: 2014 gave me chance to cook a lot. I thought I will post some simple recipes which don’t take much time but would win more accolades than fancy ones. *hides face & hopes to die* coz haven’t posted more than two 🙁 Anyhoo, try How to cook Rabdi & win hearts of everyone. Easy to make. Have gulab jamuns / jalebis as accompaniments 😀

✎ Travel: I love travelling and visit new places. Though mostly I don’t get opportunities or be simply lazy hence I don’t travel much. This New Girl in the Old city is a very special post because this was first time I was exploring a city on my own. Bangaloreans have shown lots of love to this one 😉

Hope you all read them and enjoy as I do. You can also tell me how did you like them or not like them 😀

Happy Reading!!

 

 

Be the change. Feel the change.

Since childhood, we are hearing this statement, “Change is the only constant”

Everything in life keeps on changing the moment we are born. One minute we are being fed and clothed by someone else, we are free to potty wherever and whenever we like and then one fine day, we have to dress ourselves, eat with our own hands and later, cook for ourselves.

As we start becoming aware of our surroundings, we also sense the need to change everything. Right from the time of getting up from bed or not, to how the food should be cooked to how the government should function.

We participate in debate and elocution competitions to voice our opinion. We write blogs. We tweet and outrage about how things should or shouldn’t be.

Essentially, we expect someone else to do the dirty work. But is that the right way to change things?

Rights and duties are the two different sides of a coin. While everyone wants the rights, the duties are being flee-ed away from. Like we flee from the Swine Flu virus! Charity begins at home, therefore, applies here more than anywhere else. It is easy to expect other people to change but it takes lots of courage to change yourself. Ask yourself what can you change? How can you improve your surroundings? What thing you can commit to? And remember change need not be a major one. It can be as small as you want it to be. Don’t litter, Stop spitting in public, Do not give or receive bribes, support education of an orphan, do not waste resources, specially public resources.

Be an inspiration to others and see the world changing! Be the Change to Feel the Change!!!

 

Happy Women’s Day!

Come March and you know woman’s day is around the corner. You are bombarded with special deals for women, discounts, events and what not!

sale

This way of celebrating is nothing but reiterating the cliche that women are born to shop! This is SO NOT the way! It limits the day to be a symbolic gesture & doesn’t emphasis the actual reason it is celebrated.

The Women’s Day started being celebrated to create more awareness about the issues women faced in the early 20th century. Read more here: Why celebrate Women’s Day!

The issues faced by today’s women are not much different than what women faced couple of centuries back. It is important to not let this day be just about gifts and pampering. Let this day be about making ourselves aware of what we are and what we are capable of. Let men take a moment to appreciate the sweetness in their lives brought by women. Let men understand that it is love and respect we seek and not trinkets and flowers. Let men know that women are human beings too and have every right to all the freedom men enjoy! (Yes, including paying bills without men feeling emasculated)

Be happy that you are born a woman! Be happy about the quirks God gifted you with! Treat all women as your sisters and friends and not indulge in petty power plays!

Wish all women out there a very Happy Women’s Day!!!

hwd

 

Of Impressions First and Otherwise..

It was my second proper job & we were into the second week of training. I was having lunch with the other trainees and I said something funny (I do make people laugh occasionally 😉 ) and suddenly one of the co-trainee said my God you are such a sweet and frank person! I can’t believe I thought you are a snob!

I was as surprised as her. I believed I am a very friendly and non snobbish person! How can I even give that impression? But then I realised I am an introvert extrovert person. I am very shy in company of strangers and more I be with them, more I would open up.

Over the years many people have told me this, that they thought me as intimidating and more they knew me, more they were surprised by my friendliness.

First Impressions are not true impressions about me then. And I am sure not about many other people.

I have come across people who have seemed charming and strong and then realised they are just compulsive flirts / weaklings actually. (This is how we overcome crushes 😉 )

So the moral of the story is don’t get blinded by first impression. Know the other person and give them chance for a second and lasting impression 🙂

Coffees And Conversations

Coffee and conversation are the most cliched phrase ever. However cliched they might be though, they are both stimulating agents. A cup of coffee refreshes you and so does a good conversation. Remember when you are low and you just want someone to talk to you? And when that someone does talk, how pepped up you feel?

You can read various articles on the internet which will tell you how to be a good conversationalist. That is not the point of this post 🙂

A good conversation is a subjective term. People have varied interests and same people could have different interests at different times. The  key to having a good conversation is being interested. Interested in the person you are talking to and interest in sharing. A good conversation is always a two way street. It can not be that only one person talks and other listens.

The funny thing about a good conversation is that you don’t necessarily have to be talking all the time. When people get comfortable with each other, the conversation can also be with body language and silence 🙂

It is rightly said a lot can happen over coffee. Only thing needed is your willingness and interest 😉

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Words..

Where do the words go when we have said them?” — Margaret Atwood

We speak so much during the day! Lots of words leave our mouth and get spread in several directions.

Where exactly they go?

Some words are so fickle, the fall on the ground and mingle with the dust. Some words are so light, they dissolve in the air.

But some words are listened carefully to. They get mingled with the heart beats and in the veins where blood flows. These words become a part of someone else’s existence!

Did your words become part of someone’s existence today? 🙂

Friend-zoned

You must have heard / read / talked about this term lots of time. Friend-zoned. Friend zoning is nothing but putting an invisible line between you and the person who wants to be more than friends with you and you don’t.

It is heartbreaking of course. Suppose you fall in love with someone and that person hasn’t. They are happy with the status quo and don’t want anything more from the relationship. It is tough to see them and to control your feelings. You are angry too as they are not responding to your feelings. You might then stop interacting with them and move away.

But remember you are not the only victim here. The other person is losing a good friend. Its equally heartbreaking for them if you vanish from their life.

No one is at fault here. Yet both of them suffer. Sigh.

PS: No, there is no point of this post.

20 Facts About Me!

Reading & being tagged on 20 Facts about yourself since morning, made me curious about what kind of facts I would share about me. I don’t think Instagram is a place to share these kind of posts hence sharing it here:

✸ I am a very shy person

✸ I never run out of topic for conversations if the company is right

✸ I have trouble saying no to people I love

✸ I love meeting new people & making friends

✸ I love being centre of attention

✸ I use Google a lot! I love Google *_*

✸ If I am angry I tend to hurt myself. This has reduced a lot but this scares me sometimes

✸ Even though I am very expressive, I can hide my feelings very well if need arises

✸ I am a secret keeper. People sense that probably & entrust me with lot of their secrets

✸ I love the sea. It calms me a lot. 

✸ I am NOT a morning person

✸ I hate being touched by strangers

✸ I am very accident prone

✸ I tried to commit suicide several times

✸ Earrings are my favourite accessories

✸ I don’t like to wear necklaces / closed shoes

✸ I am very possessive about the people I love

✸ I am not the one who will keep movie tickets, etc as a souvenir 

✸ I love being in a book store 

✸ I am very lazy

There you go. Would you share yours? 🙂

 

Freedom!!!

Recently India celebrated it’s 68th Independence Day. A long tedious struggle resulted in the British leaving India for good. After 68 years, and several generations later, it is not possible to imagine how much that freedom meant to us. We don’t appreciate fully that we are not enslaved to any country. We can’t imagine how much our forefathers & mothers were tortured for the desire to breathe in free air.

Maybe we would realise that when we are free from our own demons. Maybe one day we will breathe in fresh air, our desires un-caged. But this freedom is not going to come on it’s own. The journey is full of struggles, which at some point will make you want to kill yourself. Sometimes you might want to succumb. These are the moments when you need to remember what you are fighting for.

These are some of the things I need freedom from:

❋ The cliched thinking of society. I want to live in a free minded society where there are no traditional norms to be followed. It is all right for a boy to play with dolls, it is all right for a girl to play with cars.

❋ Fairy Tales of Princess & Prince Charming. Fairy Tales of Ogres & Princess turned into Ogres. There should also be a fairy tale for an Ogress & Prince Charming! 

❋ Uneducated Literate people. Let the schools teach valuable lessons to be imbibed. Let schools teach us how to be civil. Let schools teach us to be liberal & modern in true sense & not just be a road to earn our livelihood!

❋ Monsters! Monsters who are in every corner. Monsters who hurt innocent people. Let there be more angels than monsters in the world!

I am doing my bit. Will you help me? Will you be part of this revolution?

Alimony – How justified?

A famous actor’s wife seeks an outrageous amount from the actor in alimony. The world is shocked though prompt in making jokes. Of course most of these jokes are not in a very good taste.

A marriage is a sacred ritual which binds two human beings. It is saddening when the bond breaks for whatsoever reason. Especially when there are kids involved. In this case, you are breaking up an entire family. This is going to scar the adults & kids for life. No amount of money is going to heal the scars.

Alimony is an allowance paid to a divorced / separated spouse by the chief provider, usually men, on order of the court. The tradition of alimony seems quite old as per Wikipedia. I am pondering over the need for the same.

Traditionally, women are dependent on parents before marriage & on husband after marriage for their financial needs. Post divorce there must have been a tussle between parents & husband as to who will provide for her. And ultimately by a consensus it would have been decided that the husband should. I for one never understood this. If there are children, father is bound to provide for their support. But why support to wife & why she should take support of husband?

Any self respecting woman would try to be financially independent & not take a dime from her ex husband for her needs. I wouldn’t for sure. Specially when I am already earning enough for myself.

This is what feminism is needed for. Protect your individuality & independence. Say no to being dependent on a man or anyone. Say no to being provided for.

 

Rape is not a joke

One guy was facing flak for posting this quoted joke on social networking site, “If sex without wife’s consent is rape, then by this logic, isn’t spending husband’s money by the wife without his consent Robbery???”

On the face of it, nothing wrong with this statement. Obviously if a woman is spending husband’s money without his consent, it would amount to stealing (assuming the wife has taken money out of his wallet / taken money given for other purposes spent on own). FYI, neither of the crimes are reported unless there is a separation / divorce involved.

However, mine & other women’s, who couldn’t gulp down this as a joke (yeah poor sense of humour & blah blah blah), concern was are men thinking sex without wife’s consent is not rape?  Both are crimes of different degrees. How do you even compare raping a woman with self indulgent wife? Why do men have to be so defensive of rape to resort to such cheap humour?

Physical Intimacy is a necessary ingredient of a happy married life and differences regarding those should be sorted out through communication and not violence. Would men laugh this off as a joke, if it was told by their fathers in context of their mothers?

From the interactions on the joke, one thing I observed was, since women are crying hoarse for attention to rapes, men feel crimes against them are going unnoticed. We get your point. But is this the way to gather attention? Instead of branding women fighting for their rights as feminist bitches, why don’t men utilise their energy to do something against crime against men?

It is not women’s fault if they are doing something about their plight & you are not getting your share of attention. Everyone is fighting their own battles. You need not demean others to glorify yours.

Rape is a serious issue. It is faced by men, women & children equally, globally. Do not let anyone think raping is ok by indulging in such humour, specially if you are an influential person. That’s what all we women ask. Not for women’s sake. But for the sake of humanity.

Notes to Self!

Life is a teacher. Everyday it teaches us a new lesson. Some we retain & most we forget. Next time when a similar situation occurs, we have forgotten to apply our learning. Compiling some of the lessons here. Will come back time to time to know what I need to remember.

✎ Darr ke aage jeet hai (No pain no gain)

✎ If you think you have done the right thing, don’t let anyone make you feel guilty

✎ Live life to the fullest!

✎ Never be trapped in other people’s opinion of you. Even if it is a good opinion.

✎ Never wear heels while shopping!

✎ Take your bucket list as seriously as your To Do List at work!

✎ It is better to do the work yourself than relying on others

✎ No Twitter at work

I might have written countless notes to self. Sadly I remember only these many. Hence last but not the least!

✎ Jot down your notes on a more safer place (*rolls eyes at self*)

Virginity – An Issue over a tissue?

 

Dictionary defines Virginity as, “state of a person who has never engaged in sexual intercourse”

A man’s virginity is of no importance. However, a woman’s virginity is supposed to be her prized possession.

Virginity of a woman is a necessity for her marriage. A guy does not need to know if a woman would be compatible life partner or not. All he needs to know is if the woman can cook & if she is “pure”

And when girls are auctioned like cattles, virgin girls get the highest bids.

This is the reason hymenoplasty is a rage in some part of the world.

A woman who has lost her virginity before marriage is deemed to be of a loose character. A person who has no morals & would be unfaithful to her partner.

People behave as if women are not supposed to have sexual desires. It is all right for men to have sex before marriage or countless partners but God forbid if women do the same.

A broken tissue, which can very well be due to various non sex related factors, creates an issue which forces women to feel guilty, humiliated & even shunned from society.

One question for men here, you want virgin wives for yourself. And you have sex before marriage, probably with unmarried girls. Don’t you want those girls to get married?

It is high time we stop making an issue out of a tissue. Stop judging a person’s sex life. Stop labeling women as sluts just because they gave in to their desires.

And women, it is high time you stopped being guilty just because you actually enjoyed something. It’s your life & you have every right to enjoy life’s pleasures 🙂

happy woman

The Red Devil – More than Mood Swings

Whenever internet / any site is down, how many times have you heard, why is XYZ PMSing? They are obviously referring to the mood swings which accompany the start of periods.

But do the jokers know PMS is more than mood swings?

Menstruation also known as periods or chums or red devils is the monthly discharge of blood from the vagina for three to six days. It starts when a girl hits puberty & it continues till almost 3 decades of her life.

The Menstrual Cycle is not only about the blood discharge. It brings along various physical & mental changes due to fluctuations in hormone levels. Three days before the start of periods, the face & stomach bloat, breasts feel tender & painful, legs ache a lot. The symptoms differ from woman to woman. During periods, you get cramps in your stomach & back & fatigue & various other physical discomforts. Apart from these women also have to deal with the stress of staining clothes & some women have to deal with religious rubbish associated with the periods.

Even without the hormone fluctuation, can you imagine how irritating all these symptoms are? How cranky it would make you if you have to face this? Add the hormone fluctuation & the irritation goes up 10 times. And this is the time we need lots of rest & lots of TLC. But do we ever give women what they want? We only know how to joke about their pain, don’t we?

Girls & Women juggle studies, work, home efficiently even in those days & still you expect them to be all cheerful? Have you ever seen your mom not putting a hot meal in front of you just because she is on her periods? Have you seen a woman colleague take leave every month for 3 days?

This is her power. This is her strength. To endure all difficulties in life & still go on with her duties & responsibilities.

This Women’s day, if you really care about women, take a pledge to respect her periods. Take a pledge not to joke about it in a lame way. If you can do more, give her lots of rest & love & care & support. She will feel better, be less irritable & you will be spared of her wrath too. WIN-WIN 😀

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Let yourself out of the closet…

 

Coming out of the closet. We think this implies only to someone’s sexuality, isn’t it? A heterosexual need not say anything but a homosexual has to state that he is interested only in same sex person. Once he accepts publicly, we applaud him for “Coming out of the CLOSET”

But being in the closet is not only about sexuality. Have you wondered how many secrets about yourself you have to hide for the fear of parents & society in general?

If you don’t know how to cook, what will your in laws say?

Why are you crying like a woman? Be a man!

If you can’t stand up for someone, wear bangles & sit at home.

You are not a man to wear trousers. Wear salwar suit like a good Indian girl.

You like to get manicures? how gay!

Do all these statements ring a bell? This is just a drop in the ocean.

Society has made different boxes for man & women & set a specific rules on how each should behave. And if one shows even glimpse of what is supposed to be the character of opposite sex, he / she will be called names, would be lectured & in some cases out casted or even murdered. Sounds extreme but is 100% truth.

And then there are reverse kind of society. The Rebel society. They will oppose anyone who fits into the rules of society (through personal choice only)

To girls they will say: Oh how girly that you carry purses, wear make up, like shopping, etc..

To guys they will say: Stop being a MCP & let girls pay for their share, don’t be chivalrous, etc..

Why? Who made these rules? Why we need to adhere to them?

Let me be. Let me live my life as I want to. Don’t try to mould me in your box. I am not blue, I am not pink. Let me be whatever colour I want. White, Black, Grey, Purple, a mix of Blue & Pink, or just Pink even.

Only then we will have an equal society. A society where people do not hide their personality in their closets.

 

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I am One!

cupcake-with-candle

 

Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday Mirchi Laddoo! Happy Birthday to you!

I am now One! Yes that many 🙂

It’s time to celebrate! Celebrate the regularity of my writings.. celebrate the appreciation & love people have showered on me..celebrate the connections with people..celebrate the journey which has surpassed my expectations

It’s also time to say thank you! Thank you for reading my posts! Thank you for encouraging me to continue writing & thank you for all the guidance & support!

It’s also time to hope! Hope to improve my writings, hope to connect more with y’all & hope to celebrate many more birthdays 🙂 🙂 🙂

 

Special Dates!

 

365 days in a year & 365 dates. Some are ordinary & some special. In the era of Social Media, these dates have garnered more interest & popularity.

In 2011 it was 09/10/11 then 11/11/11 and 20/11/2011, In 2012 10/11/12 & 20/12/2012 & In 2013 it will be 11/12/13

Some people wished to do something special on these days.

Some managed to make it special either co-incidentally or through extra efforts..

However, some remained cynical & tried to shrug off the special dates as “so what???”

For any special days, there always have been such cynics around.

I sometimes feel they are poor souls who have nothing to celebrate in their life or just want to turn up their noses against whatever is popular.

These cynics say why celebrate valentine’s day, mother’s day, etc., when you can make it special everyday.

I say, I agree we can make everyday special but do we strive to make any day as special?

Sometimes a person gets to feel special only because there is a pressure to make such days special else even that day would be taken as granted.

And as far as commercialism goes, you need not spend thousands of bucks to make any day special.

Make efforts in thinking of plans which don’t cost money. You might be surprised how happy that person can be with your small gestures rather than expensive gifts.

Remember the Best Gifts in life are free.

Go celebrate that special day with your special someone! <3

Theek Hai!!

 

During our independence struggle, our leaders gave some memorable quotes.. Quotes which gives us goosebumps even after 6 decades of getting independence..

Lokmanya Tilak: “Swaraj is my birthright & I shall have it”

Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose: “Tum mujhe khoon do main tumhe azaadi doonga”

Mahatma Gandhi: Angrezo Bharat Chhodo”

So on & so forth..

It is a pity that today’s leader is going to be remembered for “Theek Hai”

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Why do men love gold diggers?

 

Being on twitter for more than a year, has opened my eyes. I get to learn so many new things everyday.

One thing I learnt is women only love money.. cash, jewelry, diamonds.. you name it she craves it..

While choosing a life partner money is the only thing on her mind & she marries the one who has the most moolah..

One thing however confused me.. It is true that a woman marries a man for money but why would a man want to marry such women? After all, Men being the paragons of virtue, would only fall for inner beauty & obviously gold diggers don’t have inner beauty..

Can anyone solve my confusion please?